What we can learn from the amulet
by drsweetsgirl
Summary: Tag to Dark Side of the Moon...AU after that...Will contain graphic references to non-con and child abuse. Also, this is Slash of the Cas/Sam variety... Sam's reaction to Dean throwing away his gift seems extreme to Dean, but why is it justified?
1. 1

**Chapter 1:**

**Tag to Dark Side of the Moon: Warnings - Slight insinuation of abuse**

'He threw it out.' Sam thought blankly, before falling to the ground in disbelief. 'He just threw it out and walked out the door.' A small sob escapes Sam as he remembers how much he had suffered for giving his father's precious gift to his brother.

_Two weeks after Christmas, their father had finally returned home. Dean greeted him enthusiastically at the door, proudly wearing the amulet Sam had given to him as a present. Sam hung back as he noticed John's eyes narrow as Dean told him of Sammy's awesome Christmas gift._

"_Isn't it cool dad?" Dean ended happily, fingering the amulet._

_John forced a smile on his face and replied, "Yea, Dean. It's awesome. Hey. How about I give you some cash and you go get us some food from the McDonalds down the street? Sammy can help me unload the car."_

"_Really?" dean asked excitedly. "McDonalds?"_

"_Late Christmas meal." John replied as Dean grabbed his coat. John handed him the cash and Dean headed out the door, leaving Sam and John alone. After waiting a moment to make sure Dean was out of ear shot, John turned towards his youngest son angrily. "Is that the amulet your uncle bobby gave to you for me?"_

"_Y-Yes." Sam answered nervously, backing away slightly in the sight of his father's anger. "I-I'm sorry. You weren't here and-"_

"_And what? You thought it would be okay to treat Dean like he is your father? What if that amulet was an important hunting tool boy? I can't very well ask Dean to give it up now!" John bellowed advancing on Sam._

_Sam had backed himself into the wall, leaving nowhere else for him to go as he pleaded. "I'm sorry. I just thought he'd like it. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have- Please. I'm sorry."_

_John got an evil grin as he heard Sam begging him. "Please what Sam? What do you want?" Sam didn't answer, except to shake his head back and forth, wordlessly mouthing the word please. "I know what you want. You want a late Christmas present, don't you?" Sam whimpered, but didn't reply as he continued to shake his head furiously in the negative. "Dean has a 5 mile walk ahead of him. That gives us an hour to play." John grabbed Sam's arm and pulled him towards the bedroom as Sam found his voice._

"_Daddy! Please! Please, don't."_

Dean's angry voice cut through Sam's memory. "Sam! What the hell is taking so long?!" Dean barged into the room to find Sam on the floor sobbing, clutching the amulet in his hand. His voice softened. "Sammy?" He reached his hand forward and laid it gently on Sam's shoulder.

Sam jerked away violently, his eyes wide as he scrambled into the hotel bathroom. Fierce retching reached Dean's ears as he followed his brother. Slowly he entered the bathroom and rubbed circles on Sam's back until the vomiting ceased.

Tears still fell down his face as Dean handed Sam a glass of water. Taking it gratefully, Sam tried to calm down, while studiously avoiding Dean's questioning gaze. Five minutes later, Dean broke the silence. "Are you alright?"

Sam looked at him intently, but did not immediately reply. When Dean opened his mouth to ask again, Sam said quietly, voice filled with regret and disbelief. "You threw it out."

Dean's eyes found the amulet still clutched tightly in Sam's hand. "I-" He couldn't think of anything to say as his eyebrows furrowed in desperation, clearly thinking 'This is all about the amulet?'

"You threw it out." Sam repeated, his voice growing stronger. "I gave it to you. It was supposed to be for him, but I gave it to you." Anger clouded Sam's face as he found his brother's eyes.

Surprised at his brother's sudden mood shift, Dean stammered an apology. "Sammy, I-I'm sorry. I-"

"You don't understand!" Sam screamed suddenly, standing up and storming out of the bathroom.

Pausing for only a moment to absorb his brother's sudden anger, Dean turned swiftly and followed Sam out. "I really don't!" Dean yelled back, standing directly in front of Sam, confusion written on his face.

Sam's face contorted with fury for a moment before it fell and he replied in a broken expression. "I know."

Suddenly Dean's arms were full of a collapsed and sobbing Sam. He lowered him onto the bed gently, whispering reassuringly. "It's okay, Sammy. Everything's alright."

Half an hour later, Sam calmed and Dean noticed he was gazing at something over his shoulder. Dean turned to look and nearly had a heart attack when he found Castiel standing directly behind him. "Son of a bitch!"

"I apologize." Cas replied, but his eyes never left Sam's face. After a few moments, Sam broke their eye contact and wandered into the bathroom, shutting the door tightly behind him. Cas turned to Dean with a regretful tone. "I should not have left."

"What's wrong with Sam?" Dean asked angrily. "You obviously know."

"I don't know." Cas replied. "Not specifically. I thought you were both fine. You both seemed fine when I left. What happened? How long has he been crying?"

"I don't know. I went out to the car and he didn't follow. I got impatient and came back in and found him on the floor crying. He bolted when I touched his shoulder and ended up throwing up who knows what since we've been dead and haven't eaten. Then he screamed at me, but that didn't last long and he ended up crying again. He only stopped just now. You know. When you showed up." Dean explained with a puzzled expression on his face. "I don't get it. Is this all because I threw away the amulet he gave me?"

Understanding dawned in Cas's eyes. "Oh. Oh no. You threw it out?"

Dean looked up surprised "What? Yea. Like you said, it's useless. Why?"

"I should never have said that." Cas said regretfully, making his way to the bathroom. Knocking gently, Cas asked quietly. "Sam? Please open the door."

Sam opened it slowly after a moment and whispered. "You could have just poofed in here, you know."

"I know." Cas answered. "I wanted to give the option of refusing to speak to me first. Had you not answered, I would have 'poofed in' as you said."

Sam smiled minutely, before it fell from his face. "Well, thanks for that." He pushed past Cas and sat on the still blood-splattered hotel bed.

Cas sat gently next to him, ignoring Dean's questioning look. "Do you want to sleep?"

Sam looked at him with a small ironic smile again. "Sleep? What's that? Don't get much of that. Haven't for a long ti-"

"Sam. You know what I meant." Cas replied gently, caressing the latter's cheek. Sam leaned into the touch and sighed.

Dean huffed angrily. "You're fucking my baby brother?!" Sam and Cas both jumped, having forgotten Dean's presence. Sam blushed and Cas removed his hand from Sam's cheek awkwardly. When neither one had an explanation, Dean growled angrily. "What the hell is going on?"

"It's none of your business what I'm doing or not doing with Castiel." Sam replied before grabbing his packed bags and storming outside. The door of the impala slamming could be heard from the room.

Dean turned angrily to Cas. Cas sighed and anger flashed in his eyes briefly before he said. "As much as I may want to, I am not having sex with your brother." Then, he followed Sam out the door.

Dean followed reluctantly. He arrived outside to see Cas coaxing Sam into the back seat to lay down. When he got to the car, he heard Cas whisper. "Let me help you sleep." Sam apparently agreed because the next moment Cas touched two fingers to Sam's temple and Sam slumped forward unconscious. As Dean climbed into the driver's seat, Cas situated himself and Sam so that Sam was laying down with his head in the angel's lap.

Cas avoided Dean's eyes as he started the car. Adjusting the rearview mirror, Dean noticed the amulet still clamped tightly in Sam's grip.

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	2. 2

**Chapter 2:**

**Tag to Dark Side of the Moon: Warnings – graphic reference to Noncon / Child Abuse**

They had been driving for a few hours when Sam started to moan in his sleep. "No! Please."

Cas' expression became pained as Dean looked worriedly from the front seat. "Another nightmare? I thought those ended a long time ago."

Cas stared out the window as he replied. "He still gets them from time to time. My sleeping powers must be low because he should have been able to sleep longer without nightmares than this." Cas sighed and looked at Dean for the first time since they entered the Impala. "Should I wake him? He needs sleep, but I don't like to see him like this."

Dean paused, thinking, but replied. "Wake him up."

"_Sammy, wake up." Sam groggily sat up, glancing over at Dean who was asleep next to him. He opened his mouth to ask what his dad wanted, but John covered it quickly. "It's a surprise. Be quiet so you don't wake up Dean. Come with me Sam."_

_Sam followed into his father's bedroom, sleepily rubbing his eyes. As soon as he entered, John covered his mouth with his hand again, before shoving a gag in his mouth. Sam panicked and tried to fight as his father shoved his roughly onto the bed. John easily overpowered the boy and handcuffed his hands to the headboard._

_Sam continued to struggle as John spoke quietly to him. "You were a bad boy today Sam." Sam shook his head furiously, trying to dispute it. John punched him in the stomach. "Don't lie. I know what you did. You broke Dean's toy, didn't you?" Tears formed in Sam's eyes, but he didn't try to deny it. "I told you. You were bad today. First, you get my wife killed, your own mother. You evil little boy." John sneered angrily as he pulled Sam's pants and underwear down. "Now, you're trying to ruin your brother's life."_

_John yanked off Sam's pants and underwear and threw them across the room. He proceeded to cut off Sam's shirt, so the boy was naked and trembling on the bed. " Now, I'm going to teach you a lesson. You'll probably even like it. I can't have my Mary, but I can have you. Any way I like it, any time I want. And Dean will never know about it. Do you know why you won't tell him? Because you deserve it. You deserve every second of what I give you and you'll like it to boot. You'll love the way I touch you and the way I feel inside you because you are an evil whore and that's what evil little whores do. They let people fuck them and hurt them and they like every second of it."_

_John ran his hands roughly down Sam's body, before engulfing his flaccid penis in his mouth. Unwillingly, Sam became halfway aroused. He didn't understand why his body felt good, but his mind was screaming that this was wrong. John stopped and slipped a small tight ring around Sam's penis, still rubbing and caressing. "See I knew you'd like it." John removed his own pants with one hand while he continued to coax Sam into a full hard-on. _

_When John had fully disrobed, Sam's eyes were wild with confusion and his body was thrusting into John's hand. John laughed and used his belt to whip and abuse Sam's penis. Sam screamed into the gag at the pain, but John ignored him. After a while, John discarded the belt and climbed on top of a tear-filled and unwillingly aroused Sam. _

"_Now comes the fun part." He said happily, rubbing his own enormous erection. Sam squirmed, not knowing what could be worse than what had already happened. John grabbed Sam's thighs and spread his innocent boy's legs and thrust in violently. Sam screamed a muffled cry that continued as his father thrust angrily and forcefully inside of him. _

_John made his thrusts precise, so that while Sam was in immense pain his prostate was prodded with every thrust sending painful urges to his abused crotch. Nearing his climax, john started rubbing Sam's penis in time with his thrusts, saying. "I know you like this. Show me how much Sam. You are such a bad boy. Do you like your punishment Sam?" Sam shook his head crying in his pain and shame as his father slipped the small ring off his penis and Sam had his first orgasm, unwanted and forced. This was what John was waiting for. He thrust harder into Sam as Sam's muscles tightened around him. Soon he came with a growl and he fell on top of Sam. _

_After a few minutes John rolled off, but did not untie Sam. Instead, he watched with pleasure as blood and cum dripped out of the crying, shaking boy. He inserted his fingers into Sam's ass, playing with the mess he had caused. Sam continued to cry, trying to curl into a ball, but not being allowed to as his father restrained him. John laughed maniacally at Sam's discomfort and leaned up to whisper in his ear. "I know what you want. You want to go again don't you? Well, don't worry; we'll being doing this a lot more often, now that I know how much you like it. A lot more often." Sam sobbed and continued fighting his restraints._

"Sam! Sam, please wake up!" Cas said urgently, shaking Sam's shoulder gently as he ran his other hand through Sam's hair. "Sam!"

Sam sat bolt upright, looking around wildly. Realizing who was next to him, he threw himself into Cas's arms. "Please. Please don't let him hurt me. I'll be good. Please."

The pained look in Cas's eyes tripled before he closed them and gently wrapped his arms around Sam. "Shhh. It's okay. No one will hurt you. I won't let him get you. It's okay now. I promise. It's okay."

Hearing his brother's next words, Dean nearly crashed the car, before pulling over to the side of the road.

"Make him stop. I don't want daddy to hurt me anymore. Please. Please make him stop."

Cas tightened his grip as he felt the car jerk to a halt, while murmuring assurances of "He won't. He won't. I promise."

**I love reviews!!! The good and the bad.**


	3. 3

**Sorry it took me so long to update. I was pregnant and I had a little baby girl! Yay! Since it has taken me so long to update, I'm including a segment from last time for those who have this story on story alert because I know that I have a lot of stories on my story alert and it can be hard to remember what happened in the previous chapter…So here you go…**

"Sam! Sam, please wake up!" Cas said urgently, shaking Sam's shoulder gently as he ran his other hand through Sam's hair. "Sam!"

Sam sat bolt upright, looking around wildly. Realizing who was next to him, he threw himself into Cas's arms. "Please. Please don't let him hurt me. I'll be good. Please."

The pained look in Cas's eyes tripled before he closed them and gently wrapped his arms around Sam. "Shhh. It's okay. No one will hurt you. I won't let him get you. It's okay now. I promise. It's okay."

Hearing his brother's next words, Dean nearly crashed the car, before pulling over to the side of the road.

"Make him stop. I don't want daddy to hurt me anymore. Please. Please make him stop."

Cas tightened his grip as he felt the car jerk to a halt, while murmuring assurances of "He won't. He won't. I promise."

**Chapter 3:**

Dean took a few deep breaths before turning around to face Sam and Cas, but when he turned around to speak, Cas _beamed_ Sam and himself out of the car faster than Dean could utter a sound. "Son of a bitch!"

Sam stumbled, before Cas gently laid him down on the bed in Bobby's spare bedroom. "Shh.. It's okay." He assured gently.

"It's not." Sam whispered between sobs. "Thank you… He would have wanted me to talk to him… I can't… He can't know... I don't want him to hate me anymore than he already does…" Castiel hugged Sam tightly, even as Sam recoiled slightly before forcing himself to relax. "I'm sorry… Y-you're always so patient and I can barely even handle you touching me-"

Castiel interrupted angrily. "Do not apologize!" Seeing Sam flinch again at his words, he softened his voice, but kept a firm tone. "I understand why we can't be as close as I'd prefer. You do not need to apologize for being scared. It will get better with time. Just, please do not apologize for what someone else has inflicted upon you. It is most definitely not your fault."

Sam looked at Castiel with doubtful eyes.

"It is not your fault." Seeing that his words were having no effect, Castiel placed a kiss on Sam's forehead and sighed before changing the subject. "Dean does not hate you and telling him will not make him start hating you. He loves you and nothing will change that."

"You didn't see how hurt he was because of my memories in heaven. He does hate me, Cas. I'm surprised it took him this long. I mean, look at me." Sam stood to his feet and gestured wildly at himself, still not truly making eye contact with Castiel. "I'm a worthless piece of sh-"

"If you finish that sentence, I will be forced to knock some sense into you boy." Bobby's stern voice growled from the doorway. "No one says things like that about the man I consider a son, least of all you."

Sam looked startled at Bobby's presence as well as his words. "Bobby, I-" Sam glanced around the room as if confused.

Castiel chuckled slightly and both Bobby and Sam looked at the angel questioningly. "Did you really not realize that I brought you to Bobby's? Did you not recognize the room?"

Sam smiled slightly. "I guess not."

"Anyone mind filling me in on what's going on?" Bobby asked impatiently.

Castiel looked unsurely at Sam who responded quickly without pausing to breathe. "Dean and I were murdered and sent to heaven where God told us to basically suck it up and save the world. Dean got mad at me and the world and threw out the amulet I gave him and I had a flashback so Cas put me to sleep where I had a nightmare and I woke up and asked Cas to keep me safe from- from- from-"

"John." Cas said the name with distain and hatred.

Sam sighed, relieved. He flashed a minute smile at Castiel, before continuing. "Yes, him. So, Cas brought us here before Dean could interrogate me. Then I was having a pity party which you just snapped me out of because really life could be a lot worse."

"Not that much worse." Castiel muttered, but quickly murmured an apology when Bobby shot him an angry look. Instead Cas said, "So, Bobby knows?"

Sam nodded and lay back on the bed, fingering the amulet as he realized it was still clutched in his hand. "Not specifics. Honestly Cas, you know more than anyone ever has." 

Bobby shot Castiel a look. "So, have the two of you finally admitted your feelings for each other?"

"Yes." Sam replied firmly. "Is that a problem?"

"No." Booby smiled at Sam, before turning to Castiel. "If you hurt him, I will kill you."

Sam snorted, while Castiel smiled. "I assure you, I will not ever hurt Sam intentionally. However, if I did, I would expect no less from you, but you would have to bring me back to life first as Dean would have already murdered me and I would probably have already taken my own life before he even had his chance."

Sam looked sharply at Castiel. "Don't say that!"

"It is the truth. I love you very much and I could never live with hurting you. It is hard enough to see you suffer at the hands of someone else. If I inflicted that kind of pain..." Castiel trailed off with a shudder, then tilted his head to the side, listening. "Dean is screaming that if we do not bring our sorry asses back there right now, he is going to beat the crap out of us. And now he is using some rather strong expletives."

"We can go back. I can handle him." Sam said with resignation.

"You are sure? I do not mind ignoring him." Castiel assured Sam.

"No. It's fine. I might as well get this over with. It's not as though he will believe me either way." Sam said dejectedly.

"That is not true. He wi-" Castiel began, but Bobby interjected.

"I'm going with you." Bobby left no room for argument as he continued. "I will make his stubborn ass understand if you can't, but I don't think it'll be a problem. Your father was an ass and Dean knows it. He just needs to realize he was also an evil son of a bitch that I wish I had killed a long time ago."

Sam replied with a pained look on his face. "Bobby, don't say that. I know he was your friend and I deserved everything h-"

"No!" Castiel screamed in a loud angry voice that caused Sam to visibly jump into the air. "Don't you dare say that. Ever!" The angel began to shake in anger. "Never say that." He took a step towards Sam, trying to find his words.

Sam stepped back in shock. "Cas, calm down!" Bobby said sternly, trying not to raise his voice and frighten Sam more.

Cas seemed to see Sam's fear and his anger was instantly replaced with sorrow. "You were just a kid. A child. He was supposed to protect you. I can't-He hurt you."

"Sorry." Sam muttered.

Cas took a step towards Sam and seeing that he didn't back away, he approached him. Slowly, Castiel wrapped his arms around Sam and Sam broke into sobs again, apologizing over and over. "Shhh… Please don't apologize." Cas whispered. As Sam quieted, he added. "I'm sorry I scared you. It's not your fault Sam. None of this is your fault."

After remaining quiet for Sam's mini-breakdown and Cas's gentle support, Bobby spoke up. "We aren't going to see Dean tonight. You need sleep, Sam. I'll call him and tell him you're here. Knowing Dean, he'll be here by morning. You rest tonight. I'll leave you guys alone." He left the room before anyone could argue with him.

"I don't want to sleep." Sam mumbled into Castiel's chest.

"I know."

"You are going to make me aren't you?" Sam said quietly.

"I will not make you do anything, but I think you should if you want to have this conversation with your brother tomorrow." Cas replied.

"I love you." Sam said quietly, gazing into Castiel's eyes. After hesitating for a brief moment, Sam kissed Castiel deeply. It was by no means their first kiss, but it sent a thrill of desire through both men. Castiel sighed contentedly as his tongue caressed Sam's. Sam pulled back reluctantly and a few tears fell as he mumbled. "I'm sorry I can't give you more."

Castiel gently wiped the tears from Sam's cheek. "I do not need anything but you, Sam. I love you. Just being near you and knowing you love me as well is enough for me. I will never be angry with you because you can't go further than kissing. I am angry at that man and no one else." He paused and gazed deeply into Sam's eyes. "Do you believe me?"

Sam hesitated, looking for any sign that Castiel was deceiving him. Seeing none, he smiled. "Yes. I believe you."

Castiel put Sam to sleep again at Sam's request, while Castiel lay down next to him watching for any sign of distress. Four hours later, he noticed Sam's fists clenching and his face contorted in a grimace. As a whimper of pain escaped Sam, Castiel began to try and wake up Sam.

_His dad had told Sam he was going to be sick from school today while Dean went without him. Being twelve, he was old enough to recognize the pattern, even if he couldn't do a thing to stop it. His father would be back soon from dropping Dean off at school. Sam felt the tears fall down his face. The knowledge that he would soon be _punished_ settled in his heart and he shook with fear. _

_Sam did not understand why he did bad things that got him in trouble. Most of the time, he didn't even remember doing the bad things, but daddy said he did. Sometimes he gave daddy an ungrateful look or made his daddy think bad thoughts. Sam tried to explain that he didn't mean to do these things, but it didn't matter. He had still done them and needed to be punished._

_He hated when his father punished him. He hated the things his father did, the things his father said. Daddy had all kinds of names for him: Worthless, whore, ungrateful, murderer. Sam didn't understand how he had killed his mother as a baby, but his father knew he had. So, he knew he deserved his punishment and as much as he hated it, he didn't fight anymore._

_John walked into Sam's room and gestured for him to follow him. Sam's mind went blank as he robotically entered John's bedroom. He obediently fell to his knees and took his father's cock in his mouth and performed the way he had been taught. When John pulled at his hair, he let his father's dick thrust further into his mouth._

"_On the bed. Clothes off." John said angrily and Sam obeyed quickly. "Look how eager you are. All ready for me with your ass in the air. You little fucking whore. I don't know how you can be my son. Dean's not a little bitch like you. He's a tough strong boy. You're a weak worthless piece of shit."_

_Sam remained silent, only letting out a small whine of pain as John forcefully pushed into him._

"_Oh God. So fucking tight boy. Stupid little demon, tempting me like you do. Fuck. You feel good boy. I wish you had never been born, then this would be Mary and me. But you took her away and ruined everything for me and Dean." John grunted in pleasure and picked up his speed._

"_I'm sorry." Sam murmured._

"_You think that makes a difference?" John questioned in anger, thrusting harder. He came quickly and collapsed on top of Sam._

"_I'm sorry daddy." Sam said, knowing his father always wanted to be called daddy or he would get really mad._

"_Don't you dare fucking call me daddy. I hate you. You should never have been born. You should have died instead of Mary. I hate you so fucking much. I'll teach you to call me daddy again." John shouted, getting off the bed. He grabbed his belt and approached Sam. Mercilessly, he whipped Sam through the boy's cries and apologies…_

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry." Sam said, tossing and turning, as Cas called his name. Finally, Sam opened his eyes and realized where he was. He burst into tears and continued his repeated apologies. Cas tried in vain to calm Sam, but it was useless.

After ten minutes, Sam showed no signs of calming. Unsure of what to do, Castiel's normally stoic angel demeanor dropped and he yelled in a panic, his voice breaking slightly. "B-Bobby!"


	4. 4

**I do not own supernatural or its characters! Sorry this took so long. I have not abandoned this story. Thank you for sticking with it if you have. Again, really sorry. As much as I'd like to blame the long wait on the fact that I have a baby now, it's really mostly because I'm on an NCIS kick (reading not writing). Although, it is hard to type with a baby in your lap, but anywho, here's the chapter…Oh and definitely not following the story line…**

**At the end of the last chapter…**

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry." Sam said, tossing and turning, as Cas called his name. Finally, Sam opened his eyes and realized where he was. He burst into tears and continued his repeated apologies. Cas tried in vain to calm Sam, but it was useless.

After ten minutes, Sam showed no signs of calming. Unsure of what to do, Castiel's normally stoic angel demeanor dropped and he yelled in a panic, his voice breaking slightly. "B-Bobby!"

**Chapter 4**

Bobby Singer came running into the room at Castiel's call. Half asleep, Bobby swung a shotgun around wildly, looking for the problem. "What's wrong? What happened?" Due to his half-awake, half asleep state, it took longer than normal for Bobby to notice Sam's distressed state.

"Nightmare." Cas replied, his eyes closed tight as if he was in physical pain. "He's been like this for ten minutes now. I do not know what I should do. Usually he calms down by now. Actually, that's not true. When I put him to sleep, he does not normally have nightmares, but the few I have witnessed …" He trailed off and sighed, looking helplessly at Bobby. "He should have calmed by now. What's wrong?"

Bobby approached Sam carefully, slowly so as not to frighten him. Sam looked up at him with tears steadily streaming down his face and hurled himself into Bobby's arms. "Hey Sam. Everything's okay now. Just a bad dream. You're going to be fine."

Sam stopped his mantra of apologies and sobbed uncontrollably instead. Finally, he calmed enough to speak. "I'm sorry. I- I can't- I don't- Dean's going to hate me. I can't tell him. He'll tell you it's my fault and neither of you will-will like me anymore and you shouldn't like me, but-but I need you. Cas, I need you. Please don't tell him. I can't tell him. Please- Just- Take me somewhere else. Please I can't do this." Sam turned to Cas and buried himself in the angel's shoulder.

"It's alright Samuel. Everything will be fine. If you want to leave, I will of course take you anywhere you wish, but listen to me beforehand." Cas took a steadying breath as he ran his hand through Sam's hair. "You should tell your brother what that awful man did to you. He needs to understand why you hate John. And he will not hate you. And if he does, I will take you far away from him and you will not have to worry about him ever again. But Sam, I know how much you need your brother and hiding from this will not make it go away. You have kept these memories buried inside for too long, hiding your emotions. Acting as if your bad dreams were from Jessica and the supernatural monsters you fight. It's not healthy. This is the end. You can not keep repressing your feelings to help others. Tell your brother. Let him show you his understanding and his love, because you have always showed yours to him and it's your turn to be taken care of."

Sam looked into Cas's eyes, letting his words wash over him. Slowly, he nodded. "Alright, but you need to go get him before I lose my nerve."

Cas gave Sam a quick hug before disappearing. Sam fell onto the bed and turned to Bobby. "Do you think Cas is right?"

"I do. Dean will support you. He loves you. If he doesn't, you will have Cas's support and mine regardless. We will never stop caring for you. Please let us help you, but first let's focus on Dean. Alright?"

"Alright." Sam replied quietly.

Suddenly, Dean appeared. He looked around and spotted Sam sitting quietly on the bed with Bobby next to him. Bobby was rubbing small circles into Sam's back, while Sam took deep calming breaths. Looking up, Sam smiled a very small smile. "Hi Dean."

Dean just stared for another moment before he roared. "What the fuck is going on Sam!"

**Sorta short, but I'll update again soon. Hopefully, later tonight!**


	5. 5: Sorry it took sooooo long!

It took forever for me to update. I lost inspiration. I know I hate it when people abandon a story and I am sooo sorry. I will try to finish this story as best as I can. I will update as much as I can. I have to kids, one is 2 the other is 4 months and sometimes it is difficult to find the time.

Again sorry, and I do not own any of these characters or supernatural.

**Last Time:**

**Dean just stared for another moment before he roared. "What the fuck is going on Sam!" **

Sam flinched.

Before Sam could even speak, Cas threw Dean into the wall. "Don't you dare yell at him!"

Dean's eyes flashed, but he kept his mouth shut, so Cas reluctantly released him.

Sam opened his mouth to explain, but no words came out. He tried a few more times, but could not find the words to explain.

Dean sighed and sat on the bed with Sam. "Sammy, please just tell me what's going on. I throw away the amulet, which I know I should not have done because it was a gift from you, but I have no idea what has happened since then. It has been one chick flick moment after another and then you say something about dad hurting you and-" Dean took a deep breath. "Please just tell me what is going on. Please."

"You never say please."

"Maybe I should."

"Maybe." Sam agreed. He closed his eyes. In a high pitched voice he blurted out. "Dad sued to hurt me."

"So, I gathered. What exactly are we talking about when you say hurt? He used to run us to the ground with training. And I know it used to hurt you, him being away so much." Dean said, trying to make sense of this situation.

"Yea yea. Stuff like that." Sam agreed instantly.

Dean relaxed about to say how it was normal for some families to have time apart and that their father did his best, but Cas beat him to the punch. "Your father raped, beat and brutalized Sam for many years while you lay in the next room sleeping."

"What?" along with two replies of "Cas!" rang out sharply in the room. "What?" Dean repeated. "What the fuck are you saying?" He turned away from Cas and looked at his brother. Sam was shaking and avoiding his eyes. Suddenly Dean remembered. Dad making him walk to get food, Dad being alone with Sam, sending Dean out, Sam being hurt and crying when he came home, Sam always having bruises, flinching when their father touched him, hating their father, Sam running away again and again and again. Sam relieved to go to school, terrified to come back and find their father, Sam having nightmares every fucking night for as long as he could remember. "Oh my God. Oh my fucking God. Sammy. Oh Sammy." Dean's breathing patterns escalated.

"He's having a panic attack" Sam's voice was distant, far away in Dean's mind as a mantra began. He let Sammy down. Dean let Sam down. I let Sam down. I let Sam down. I let Sam down. "Dean breath!" Somebody was screaming. Dean took a breath, and then another and his heart rate slowed. His vision came back into focus. Sam was kneeling in front of him "I let you down, Sammy."


End file.
